Well, that was a break and a half. It’s been nearly seven weeks since I last posted. Here’s what I drafted but never got around to posting last:

• Urrrgh, sorry for the delay, I’m not well. Not sure what’s wrong, having AF and palpitations and waves of dizziness. Very weak and wobbly, in danger of falling – but I haven’t. I have to stay near benches and things to touch and hold on to (not onto). I need to keep my phone always within reach in case I need to call for help. I phoned the cardiologist’s office this morning hoping for a phone consultation but they said call an ambulance and go to the ED at Joondalup. Yeah, OK, but I’m sick of the long boring waits for admission and assessment. And the awful discomfort of those ED trolleys. Also I want to meet up with friends for brekky tomorrow morning, and I’ll make that 000 call tomorrow after that.

I’m back today with a new addition to my body, a pacemaker. I did call 000 and as usual, the ambulance guys were fantastic. They radioed ahead that they were bringing a guy (me) in with severe bradycardia, low heartbeat, around 20 beats per minute! As you know, the normal is around 60 bpm.

I got a bit of a surprise in the ambulance when the guy attending me said, “This might sound like a hard question, but if the worst happened and your heart gave out, what would you want us to do? Jump on your chest, try everything to bring you back?”

I said “No, if I’m dead, I’m dead. Don’t worry about it.”

There was a crowd awaiting me when we got to the hospital, Joondalup Health Campus, about 15 mins away. I was whisked into Bay 1 in the cardio section and immediately hooked up to an ecg monitor, and canulas put into both arms. They injected a drug to increase the heart rate, which worked, but it overshot into tachycardia, around 150 bpm, but they don’t seem worried about that.

So I lay there for quite a while, about 36 hours into Thursday, although I can’t remember how. Did they bring a proper ward bed in? Did they take me to a ward? It’s hazy.

Anyway, on Thursday 20 June they did simple (i.e. local anaesthetic) surgery to insert a pacemaker on my left side, just below the shoulder, below the collar bone. It’s done with sedation. It hurt a bit, but not enough to complain. In fact the worst part was at the end; as the anaethic and sedation wore off, the bursitis in my left shoulder set in, with severe pain down my left arm. Bad enough to tell the surgeon. He ordered another 50 units of fentanyl which helped, but it still hurt.

So I was taken to a private room overlooking some building work going on outside, which I found interesting, and it was on the north side of the hospital so I got a lot of sun through the big window. I was there for about five days, although I can’t remember how long. Then I was transferred to the Rehabilitation Ward on the ground floor, where I stayed for another two weeks. All up, I was in the hospital for three weeks exactly.

How do I feel now? Not a lot different, although I’m not feeling like fainting. I thought the pacemaker would give me an energy boost, but it hasn’t. I gather its function is limited to giving the heart a kick if it stops or drops too low. I don’t feel anything at all, except the usual slight breathless feeling at times. A lot actually.

But the bad side is that three weeks of enforced inactivity, and being fed big hospital meals, has left me even more unfit (or less fit) than I was before. And even though I had no beer for those three weeks, I’ve gained about three kilos! Damn.

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I feel very unsteady on my feet, having to use my rollator and walking stick to get around the house. In fact I had a fall on Tuesday. I fell, in my passageway, forward onto my left kneee and elbows, on hard tiles.

I managed to slide my way into my computer room, within reach of my phone, but I wanted to try to get myself up. But I couldn’t. As it happened, the Coles grocery delivery guy was due, so I waited for him. He tried, but I’m too heavy. He couldn’t get me up. But he was very good and got me my water bottle and mobile phone. I told him to go as he couldn’t do anything more. He said it was his last delivery so it wasn’t too inconvenient.

Then I called 000 and told them I was down, but to take it easy, it was not an emergency. They arrived after about 20 mins. They were very thorough as usual, checking me over, doing an ecg, looking for any signs of broken bones or mental impairment. No problems, I was fine. Then they called for the “whoopee cushion”, the inflatable chair. That took another 20 mins but once it arrived, I was up and standing again.

So that was that. I had to sign a form saying I didn’t want to go to the hospital. It was about 6.30pm by this time and I could finally have a beer. I hate having to call the ambos for this and I’m trying to think of an answer to being unable to get myself up, short of losing 50kg of weight, of course.

Unfortunately, my left knee has come up in a giant blue bruise. It’s not too painful, but my left hip feels funny.

While in the hospital, ultrasounds were done on both legs due to their size, with the finding that there are blockages in veins and arteries in both legs. I don’t know what can be done about this; no doubt I will find out more after I see a vascular surgeon on 7 August.

Meanwhile, I’m having a nurse come here to dress the sores on my legs and toes, and an occuptional therapist is coming at 1pm to do something, I know not what.

PS: she just changed the plasters on my left leg and toe, and added new ones on my right leg and toe. I’m springing leaks! Then she put Tubigrip over both calves, then my blue anti-slip socks over that. It feels good, nice and warm.

She wanted me to go back to the dreaded compression stockings, but I said they are too difficult. But today I’ve found what I’ve been looking for, on Amazon: battery powered Velcroed wraps for the calves, which get pumped up with air to massage the calves. Exactly what I’ve been dreaming of for years. About $90 for the pair, but they gt a long list of five star reviews, so I’ve ordered a pair.

Exciting times!