I’ve been to the dentist in the past two weeks and I’m pleased to say they found no decay or anything needing urgent treatment.

But today, they presented me with a treatment plan.

$8,698 please.

I’ll give ’em this, they’re optimists! I do not believe I will proceed with this. Surprise, surprise.

My teeth are worn down, one front tooth needs capping and the front pair need straightening. But do I care? I’d like to have good, white teeth and a million dollar smile, yes, but not at $8,700.

If I do anything, the first thing would be a trip to Bali to get a check and quote in Kuta. I’ve been recommended to a dentist there and told the surgery is as modern and clean as anything here. The other choice is Thailand, of course. People swear by the safety and high standards. I would check it out, of course.

So dream on, Duncraig Dental care.

Plus, as far as I was concerned my next appointment was 13 August and I have an appointment card to prove it. But this morning the phone rings and, “Uh, Mr Croft, have you forgotten?” What? “You were due here 15 mins ago.”

No I wasn’t. I had the card to prove it is next week. They don’t have an appointment for me for the 13th, though.

Anyway, I went, but if they can’t get that right … ?